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5 Dumbest Things Humanity Has Shot Into Space

Ever since man first gazed up at the night sky, we knew we’d one day need to put some s**t up in it. It would take centuries and many failed experiments with elastic bands and cannons, but eventually we succeeded. Rockets and satellites, yes, but less obvious things as well. Dogs. Convertibles. David Bowie.

And that’s only the beginning. space science universe and space station alien science

NASA Recently Sent A Bunch of Human Spooge To The International Space Station

NASA has been conducting a scientific study called Micro-11, whose experimental method involves the unique step of shooting sperm into space. By rocket, not some titanic orgasm, if you’re wondering. And this is completely … reasonable? Compared to some of the other things on this list, sperm is one of the more sensible things we’ve put into space. For one, we’ve got so much of it down here on Earth which we waste every day, and two, they’re doing some good with it up in space. No, not filming clips for Pornhub, that’s awful. Science. They’re doing science. So not insane at all. space science universe and space station alien science

Still, it’s space sperm. The government will shut us down if we don’t talk about space sperm, so let’s get into it. space science universe and space station alien science

space science universe and space station alien science

So why do we need space sperm? Well, if we ever want a colony of people in space, the ability of sperm to perform in microgravity will be relevant. Similar deal if we ever hope to put a permanent settlement on Mars or the moon. And there’s reason to suspect the spermies will have trouble in this environment. Previous research with animal sperm has shown that it doesn’t quite behave in microgravity as it should. And even if we never want to make space babies, studying sperm in microgravity might reveal things we can’t see on Earth — information that might be useful for improving old-fashioned terrestrial fertilization, as the kids call it these days. space science universe and space station alien science

The tests involve nothing gross — just microscopes, chemicals, and presumably very well-sealed containers. No word on how the samples were collected, whether NASA raided a sperm bank or ran some kind of in-house raffle or something. However it came off (heh), we can only hope that it happened at great expense to the taxpayers. space science universe and space station alien science

 We Sent Andy Warhol’s Dick Pic to the Moon

While we’re on the subject of private parts (although we’re rarely far from it), let’s discuss the dick pic we’ve placed on the moon. You see, when the Apollo missions finished their work on the moon and left, they didn’t take everything with them. A large portion of the lander module got left behind each time, and given the relaxed parking restrictions on the moon, they’re all still there. space science universe and space station alien science

One of which includes a dick pic. space science universe and space station alien science

NASAThe bottom-center one is Mickey Mouse, who looks like he may also be sprouting a semi.

That image is supposedly inscribed on a small ceramic tile about the size of a thumbnail planted on the Apollo 12 lunar lander. This was part of a covert plan to put art on the moon, each of the six images made by a different artist. Warhol’s is the one in the upper left, and as you can see, it’s substantially dong-shaped. Warhol claimed the drawing was merely an artistic reinterpretation of his initials, and sure, Andy. Fine. If you don’t buy that but want to maintain your innocence, you could also consider it a rocket ship, or a finger with a band-aid, or a short but girthy dildo. space science universe and space station alien science

The rest of us know it’s dong, though. space science universe and space station alien science

And here’s the best news of all. There’s no atmosphere on the moon, and effectively no erosion. Not only is this dick pic still there, there is a very good chance it will be the last surviving piece of human art ever. Which is not only fitting, but will also give the aliens who eventually show up looking for Doritos something to remember us by. space science universe and space station alien science

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